I last left you with some sad but hopeful news. In the weeks since my dear ones passed away, I have reassessed my life and am even more determined to live for my happiness. I’ve long decided that I want every moment of my life to be worship. Each moment is so precious. I’ve been doing a mental exercise, in which I focus on the idea that all of our senses deliver past information to us. I wonder about living in that state where information is actually current. The human mind is a wonderful, mysterious thing, and it takes all of that past information and produces a flowing experience from it. It seems that cases of mental disorders, physiological changes, drug use, or intense emotional experiences can give rise to different and strange perceptions of time. When thinking of all of the infinite little parts that have to function in concert to give us that smooth appearance of unity, my mind blows and I am awed. We tend to skip over the little things, because we have so many other concerns. Yet sometimes I think the greatest way to appreciate the world is to look at it in whole and in part, from quarks to multiverses, and ponder what it is that connects it all. I used to run myself in circles as a teen contemplating the bizarre fact of existence. The thought used to frighten me, because it just made no sense. I am no closer to answering that question, yet I fully embrace my existence. I am here, I have an effect, and it would be a contradiction to accept the idea that I should not control my life and what flows into it. Power must be tempered by accountability, and they must grow together or natural distortions arise. This year, I have taken a lot onto myself. My power comes from my responsibility. I take on the world, bit by bit, until I learn to handle more.
Eventually, I plan on delving deeper into each of these ideas. I am excited at the prospect of exploring them and finding even more questions to grow from.