“I believe there’s a common ground in what all gifted writers write. It has to do with their wish to turn darkness into light.”

~ Mandy Patinkin -Entertainer

I was given a little nugget of wisdom by a friend years ago that life must always be equal, and that when the sun comes up, it also must go down. I feel like many struggle with this idea and expect it to be sunny all the time. However, once you can start grasping onto the idea that there is a natural up and down of life…you can start looking deeper into how do we continue moving forward even during the dark times. We must learn to steer our ship by the stars. Because the stars are there for a reason. No matter how dark the night, the stars give you the ability to stay on course.-repost from Evan Sander’s entry (The Stars)

The first quote just affirmed a very literal process I have my characters go through. In “The Legacy of Allison Dutch” my character Queen Aeryn does the opposite: she turns the beautiful light into darkness. This is significant because in a book (series) that will be out later she’ll be contrasted with a main character that seeks to turn darkness into light (hint: it’s me).

Next year I plan on publishing my very first series. As in the one I wrote first, the one I started way back when I was 12. It’s pretty rough, missing a few installments, and I’m fixing up what I can but that’s not the point I want to make here. The point is that I have to publish it. In many ways that series is my literal journey into my own mind.

My life was fairly rough back then (I won’t elucidate further in this entry, perhaps another day I will) and writing was my escape and eventually my salvation. It was my philosophical playground, my safe space to all questions, play with the universe, and come to new conclusions. It details my journey from darkness into light. That theme would come to permeate all of my works.

Evan Sanders posted the first quote in the same entry that I linked to above. I have been absolutely nervous about publishing this particular series because it is so personal, so revealing, and so painful. I’ve been extremely tempted not to go through with it. However, due to a dear friend of mine and those two quotes above, I know that I must do it.

It is my honest truth about my journey and I wrote it in the hopes that at least one other person could see a reflection of their own life and know that it was not over. In a previous post I came out in as many ways as I could stand (The Loudest Voice). I am such a minority in so many ways. I wanted to write to others who found no representation in the mainstream. People like me, whom others found a reason to hate seemingly no matter what.

Next year is a big year for me. First I have to let go of this fear Dune-style and just get it done. It gets a little easier every day. It also gets easier to know I am not the only one.

P.S. A strange synchronicity just occurred while I was writing this. No More Drama by Mary J. Blige just came on. That was one of my power songs when I felt alone. It was my anthem when I first started to change my life around. It means a lot to me and yet I haven’t listened to it in years. The strange coincidence that it would be playing now of all times I will take as a sign to follow the path I’m on.

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