Some Things are Hard to Say

Warning: Possible Emotional Triggers (Sexual Assault) Ahead

We rarely learn we can say no to these situations. Especially if we have to keep repeating it. Most of us aren’t taught how to handle or prevent sexual assault. Not that it’s always possible to prevent or see coming. I hate this idea that all roads must lead to sex just because. That people, usually male, can’t seem to get past the fantasy of another person so that they can see that they’re hurting others. Lately I’ve been recalling my own past horrors. I’ve been working through the anxiety it brings up, getting reacquainted with the feminine side I used to hide, and trying my best not to hold anything against the man in my life. He’s been wonderful in learning to understand what a survivor goes through. All these years I’ve given men the benefit of the doubt but sadly that fear still follows me. I may be sensitized for the rest of my life but I’ll keep working on it. At least the shame of being raped and molested nearly every year of my life is gone. Now I must see each person as they are and not repeat my attackers’ mistake of letting a fantasy ruin reality.

atheist, polyamorous skeptics

[Content Note: Sexual Assault]

I struggled about whether I was going to write about this.  I have written a bit about it before, but the subject has come up again in fuller force than usual and I find myself doing some major processing.  I am going to be talking about a traumatic event in my life, so feel free not to read it.  As Ginny suggested the other day, doing a google search about cute animals might be a better choice.  I figured, fuck it.  It’s therapeutic for me and maybe someone else will find it helpful.  Or something.  I don’t know. I apologize in advance.  I’m kind of pissed and sad.

Two and a half years ago I was feeling like a new woman.  I had successfully plowed through a number of issues that were keeping me from embracing polyamory for myself.  I had my jealousy issues under control. …

View original post 1,836 more words

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