Romance is Not Love: What Negative Aromantic Stereotypes Say About Romantic People

I love this! I love writing about all the different kinds of relationships people can have in my books. And of course there’s my own life. I never fully had the language to explain why I felt so strongly for those in my life, whether friends, lovers, and/or unlabeled (you can probably tell by now I have so many labels it doesn’t even matter; I’m human, damnit, interacting with other humans). All I had was sexual and romantic language to filter and understand my feelings, even when I had love for others that involved neither. I have long been fascinated with love, sex, romance, connection, all of the myriad ways that people come together. I’ve also got a post coming up that talks about the importance of touch in my books, sexual and asexual. The thing that matters most is actual connection! I never understood why so many were obsessed with the form. It’s always substance for me. Anyways, all this to say I am so grateful that I have come across these new scripts, these wonderful words, and found wonderful people like Ace who have given me better ways to express the parts of myself that didn’t quite fit in. I’m more excited than ever to get my works out there, to truly see all people represented as individuals instead of labels, and who knows, perhaps some folk will actually like it. Eh, I can dream. The one thing I know is I must keep writing. Until I’ve explored it all. This post by Ace is long, yet it’s completely worth the read.

The Thinking Aro

When they aren’t forgotten or ignored completely, the most common reaction that aromantic people get from ignorant romantics sounds something like this:

“You can’t be aromantic, that isn’t a real thing, you just haven’t met The Right Person and fallen in love yet, because romantic love is the ultimate human experience, so saying that you are an aromantic human being is as nonsensical as saying you’re a human being who doesn’t need oxygen to survive. Only psychopathic criminals feel no romantic emotion or a desire for romantic relationships. Something is seriously wrong with you if you can’t or don’t want to fall in love.”

What they’re implying is: aromantic people are cold, heartless, unfeeling individuals who are antisocial loners with no desire or capability for positive attachment and connection in the context of an interpersonal relationship with someone else. If you don’t want romantic love, you don’t want love, period…

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