No Time to Breathe

Why do I write books the way I do? Why the insanely fast pace with every event toppling over the last and racing towards an absolute frenzy of confusion? Why such heavy topics running into one another, intersections borne of hints and cracks elsewhere in the cuilverse? It’s actually quite simple: my life has been insane.

Ever since I can remember I have been in such a rush. There was no time to breathe between episodes of bad and worse. For me everything seemed to happen at the same time or one right after the other. To say I was thoroughly stressed out didn’t even begin to cover it. I had to adapt, think quickly, act quickly in order to survive. I had to tuck my emotions into places so secure I only ended up screaming it out in my stories. I do not know how to relax. My partner (the one still alive) could not conceive of my inability to get comfortable.

I am very impatient, I’ll admit. Between the death, horror, trauma, and health issues I have long believed I have absolutely no time to waste. My appreciation for the truth and for efficiency also leads me to be rather direct and succinct. I walk fast, I move quickly, I think even quicker. I have been running for so long that it is still difficult for me to stop. Let’s just say I have a lot in common with the scaroth in terms of manic energy levels.

Yet I’m learning. To relax, to get comfortable, to stop running, even if only for a moment. It’s not that I don’t appreciate anything or enjoy anything. I feel deeply, intensely. I just have an enormous appetite paired with unique and crazy experiences. There is more that is true in the books I write than would seem possible. One day, the last book in the project, I will go over some of the past that haunted me, motivated me, and shaped me. That will be the hardest book I’ll ever write because I’ll be combing through the most painful details of my life. I can only include mine because the stories of others are theirs to tell. And you might not believe me anyway.

I like things to be exactly what they are. I like everything straightforward. That doesn’t mean I lack humor and excess from time to time but it does show in my writing as that seemingly harried and frenetic pacing. There is no fluff. Everything written directly affects the story, even if it may not seem like it. I’ve only ever had the bare minimum in my life yet my mind has always overflowed. It’s an odd combination. Time has always been a bitch to me. You’ll know what I mean when you meet Mark Blue.

I’ll never waste 100 pages describing every atom of a flower. I’ll rarely have characters taking four books just to realize they love each other for no reason. But I will explore their souls in depth. I will find singular ways to describe experiences few people go through. I’ll keep racing because there is so much to tell. And like I said, time is a bitch.

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