Unfamiliar Territory

What odd feelings. To be this joyous, this bittersweet, this peaceful and hopeful. To want to cry, both from the loss of ones close to my heart and the happiness of forming new connections. What is this wonderful thing? What are these beautiful things in my life now? To know a new side of my family, to work with them to solve problems, to bask in their love and support. To find work at an amazing company, to find new friends, to be bursting with creativity from waking on through my dreams. It is unfamiliar, it is brand new, it is unexplored territory. I keep smiling despite my suspicion that all of this is illusion. I miss my partner and my child, I miss my siblings and my eldest sibling’s kids, I miss my dear friends, my soulmates. Yet I cannot hold back my heart from opening up and being touched by all of this. I’ve never had so many events go so well for such an extended period of time. Though I still have so far to go it is the first time in my life that I know I can survive it, that I don’t have to be afraid, that I can be happy. Bad things still happen, nothing is perfect, and there are no guarantees. Even with that, life is beautiful. I have always felt everything strongly and now it’s so much easier to express it. I am no longer invisible. Watch me shine.

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