The Lie that Ableism Feeds Us

Yes. So true.

“I have been here before.

I have been so almost well that I start thinking that it might just be all in my head, that I could wield my will like a magic wand and wave all of this away.

I seem to have an almost recuperation cycle, where I begin to feel guilty, lazy, pathetic.

I day dream about doing laundry independently, washing dishes at all, taking dates out for fun nights on the town, walking by myself in the rain, hugging my children without coughing, being a “productive member of society” again.

That is always accompanied by a deep, subtle in it’s expression, but pervasive sense of self doubt which leads me to both question how I have handled my illness *am I just being lazy?* and push myself to “try harder”.

Let me be clear, this always eventually results in my body crashing hard, usually in a pretty scary way.

Because my illness is real.

I am not being lazy

I am not just giving up”

Holding Patterns and High Tea

First let me be honest with myself and you. 

I have been here before. 

I have been so almost well that I start thinking that it might just be all in my head, that I could wield my will like a magic wand and wave all of this away. 

I seem to have an almost recuperation cycle, where I begin to feel guilty, lazy, pathetic. 

I day dream about doing laundry independently, washing dishes at all, taking dates out for fun nights on the town, walking by myself in the rain, hugging my children without coughing, being a “productive member of society” again.

That is always accompanied by a deep, subtle in it’s expression, but pervasive sense of self doubt which leads me to both question how I have handled my illness *am I just being lazy?* and push myself to “try harder”. 

Let me be clear, this always…

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