Kaleidoscopes of Chaos – How Traumatic Boundary Violations Destroy The Capacity for Self-Care » The Art of Healing Trauma

I’m not sure why my sense of self always remained strong, even when powerless. But that’s the key difference between myself and many other survivors. My sense of my boundaries (and any hint of violation) was always on a hair trigger: my house, my fences, my alarms are all set at the atomic level.
Yet, this is the nature of #abuseculture. Edges are worn away over time, until you finally meet that bastard that goes all the way, and you have no idea how you got there. You’ve been set up from day one, usually by your parents/caregivers.
I wrote about this phenomenon already. In You Don’t Belong Here…
Predators and Prey – Excerpt from You Don’t Belong Here – http://wp.me/p1ipdJ-5o1
But this excerpt is from this article. Weirdly enough, the house analogy was exactly how I’ve been describing boundaries and consent to my son.
“Developmental Trauma Destroys Boundary Formation
What happens if a person experiences this type of situation, of the car in the swimming pool, or the person marching straight into the house and bedroom, as a young child?
What if your own boundaries became hard to identify way before you could even speak?
What if your brain developed within a situation in which your boundaries were being broken so much that that place, that edge, where you’re supposed to feel a distinct sense of a boundary being crossed, became blurry and eventually faded away altogether? Because, in that context, the place where your boundary was or wasn’t had become irrelevant?
And what if this was how your brain and nervous system developed? This was “family” to you. This was “love.” Appeasing and loving the invasion force meant you would be secure, and live, and be cared for.
What then?
Where is self-care then?
Where is self then?
I guess my point in writing this is just to remind myself, when I’m feeling confused, that for someone like me who has been through a lot of trauma, Self comes before Self-Care.”

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